British Humour

This post has nothing to do with pizza, but as it is Holiday Time I am posting these examples of British understatement and humour for your festive edification

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an
inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to
estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. ( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -"He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" ( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGOUND TUBE

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction. "

2) "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B
syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as
soon as I'm given any."

3) "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5) "We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6) "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."

8) "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

9) "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

10) "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."

11) "We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."

12) "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage --
what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

13) "Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!"

14) "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

Have a great new year!

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The Pizza Phone - In Case of Emergency

Regular readers will be aware of our occasional Pizza Gadget Series, so it is with the greatest of pleasure that we bring you this little gem.

The Pizza Phone is a $177 phone that is worth every penny.

Colored in fire engine red, this phone can be programmed to automatically call the pizza delivery purveyor of your choice as soon as it’s picked up.

There isn’t even a numerical pad, which is good.

A numerical pad would just slow a man down.

This is a G.D. pizza emergency!

Pizza is needed, and there is no time to waste deciding on a maker or dialing a telephone.

Just Do It!

Domino's Pizza Manager Shot and Injured During Armed Robbery

A Domino's Pizza manager was shot during an armed robbery late Saturday night.

Mansfield Police say Patrick Osborne, 42, of Cardington, was shot four times, once in the right chest, once in the right shoulder and twice in the neck, after two armed men robbed the Domino's Pizza shop at 523 S. Main St. before 11:30 p.m.

Osborne was taken to MedCentral Mansfield Hospital and then flown by medical helicopter to Grant Medical Center in Columbus.

Police say Osborne was alone in the store because all of the drivers were out making deliveries.

Police say Osborne described the suspects as very tall and wearing ski masks. One of the men was wearing a black jacket and the other was wearing a tan jacket.

Police are still investigating what type of gun was used during the robbery an how much money was taken.

Papa John's Expects Flat Sales in 2009

We picked this story up from the AP Wire. Informed industry observers feel that PJ's are being slightly optimistic in the light of recent economc trends. Check back in 12 months I suppose

"U.S. Domestic pizza sales are expected to be flat to down 2 percent in 2009, said pizza delivery company Papa John's International Inc. on Monday.

"The consumer environment is expected to continue to be very challenging" as rising unemployment hurts the restaurant industry, the company said in a release.

International revenue is expected to grow 25 percent to 30 percent, driven by the growth in franchise outlets, it said.

The number of domestic stores is expected to fall 2 percent, or 50 to 70 stores, while the number of international outlets is expected to grow by 170 to 190 stores, about 30 percent.

Earnings per share are expected to be in the range of $1.32 to $1.40 in 2009. The estimate excludes the impact of consolidating the results of franchisee-owned cheese purchasing company, BIBP Commodities Inc.

The company said its earnings for 2008 would be near $1.68 per share, the low end of its previous guidance.

Consolidated operating margins in 2009 are expected to be 1.2 percent to 1.5 percent lower than in 2008, the company said."

D'oh - Police Follow Tracks In the Snow to Make an Arrest

This story comes from one of our readers in Illinois - Keep them coming in

"Robbers might think twice about committing a crime when there's snow on the ground. Or at least not head right home.

That's the lesson after Joliet police followed footprints from where a pizza delivery man was robbed to a house on the same block and arrested four teens late Tuesday.

Police say two teens waited on a porch for the pizza man and the two others -- one holding a bat -- approached him.

Police Chief Patrick Kerr says the pizza man turned over pizzas, sodas and $200.

Police say an officer followed the tracks to the house and found two pizza bixes, the pizza man's debit card and a bseball bat."

Pizza Delivery Man's Cheesy Weapon Foils a Stick Up!

Florida_ Police say a pizza delivery man fought back with the one weapon he had handy when a gun was pulled on him in a stickup: A large, hot pepperoni pizza.

Delivery man Eric Lopez Devictoria, 40, flung the steaming pie at the gunman, buying time as he ran for safety, police said.

At least one shot was fired as Devictoria fled, but the deliveryman wasn't hurt and was able to quickly call police, according to authorities.

Three teenage suspects were nabbed soon after Wednesday's run-in with the cheesy weapon, police said, adding they were charged with armed robbery.

Fire Crews Tackle Pizza Firm Fire - Building Destoyed - Supply Chain Affected

More than 70 firefighters are at the scene of a huge fire which has wrecked a pizza firm's premises in Lancashire.

The fire broke out at Stateside Foods, Priorswood Place, Skelmersdale, shortly before 0500 GMT.

Fire officials said the fire started in a single storey building and spread to a three storey building. There were no casualties and the cause was unknown.

Kathy Stacey, of Lancashire Fire and Rescue Service, urged people to stay indoors as a precaution.

Stateside Foods supplies chilled pizzas and frozen pizza crusts to retailers and the service industry.


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The True Cost of Delivered Pizza? The Fresh vs Frozen Debate Continues

In these tough economic times, a leading frozen-pizza maker is urging consumers to study the numbers.

Its pizzas are far cheaper than equivalent delivery pizzas, says Kraft Foods’ DiGiorno. The delivery companies counter that the comparison is, to mix food metaphors, one of apples to oranges.

In television ads that started airing in August, DiGiorno says that delivery pizzas cost an average of $16.13, and then displays an equation: Delivery Pizza - Delivery = $6.69, or the average cost of a DiGiorno pie. (Solving for x, that means delivery costs $9.44.)

A Kraft Foods spokeswoman explained that the numbers are based on July prices for a medium supreme pizza, plus delivery, from Pizza Hut, Domino’s and Papa John’s, in 10 major markets. These prices excluded promotions, as did the DiGiorno price, which was from the same markets.

Pizza Hut didn’t respond to a request for comment. Spokesmen for Domino’s and Papa John’s said the calculation ignored several important distinctions between the pizzas, including that, as easy as a frozen pizza is, a delivery pizza is far easier.

“Yes, our medium deluxe pizzas do cost more, because we custom-make our pizzas to your specifications, bake them for you and deliver them hot to your door,” Domino’s spokesman Tim McIntyre told me. “Why would you pay the same amount for something that’s pre-made, frozen and that you have to bake yourself?”

Added Chris Sternberg, of Papa John’s, in an email, “With delivered pizza, the consumer invests virtually no time in the transaction: no preheating the oven, watching it, cutting it, etc. The ingredients are fresh, the service is to the doorstep, the cleanup is minimal, etc.” Sternberg also argued that the DiGiorno math should have taken into account several additional costs, such as for gas to drive to the store for a frozen pizza, and the cost of cooking the pizza at home.

Kraft spokeswoman Mary Anne McAndrew said that consumers rarely make a special trip to buy a frozen pizza, instead incorporating it into shopping trips. And she pointed out that the cost of cooking a pizza for less than 20 minutes should cost no more than a few cents of energy, passing along this Web site as an example.

“Even if you add a few cents to cover the cost of a round trip to the store and energy for cooking, the premise of our DiGiornonomics campaign remains valid: The cost of a carry-out or delivery pizza remains approximately twice that of a DiGiorno pizza,” McAndrew said

With thanks to The WSJ



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PETA takes advantage of Lower Share Prices to Increase Stakes in Meaty Restaurant Chains

Taking advantage of the shriveling stock market, PETA has been purchasing more and more shares in meaty companies, including popular chain establishments like Domino’s Pizza, California Pizza Kitchen, and Sonics. The surge in stock purchases comes shortly after PETA’s call for donations not only to them, but to other animal rights organizations also hurting in the economy.

PETA has bought stock in meat companies for years. They already had a large holding in Tyson Foods, one of the most notorious animal abusers in the meat industry, and recently purchased even more. But what will PETA do once they own enough shares in these companies to be a deciding voice?

Would we find vegan cheese options at Domino’s? Would they eliminate meat all together from the menus and perhaps risk running the chains out of business? Or perhaps they’d make the age-old rumors come true by changing pepperoni and sausage to mostly soy or wheat protein?

PETA first began engaging in shareholder activism in 2003 when they purchased 240 shares in Tyson Foods, enough to allow the organization to speak at shareholder meetings. The meat industry has watched with a cautious eye ever since.

Factory farming is among the most environmentally disastrous industries, topping even the transportation industry in its impact on global warming. While PETA pushes for animal rights, their actions also promote a healthier environment.

“Our campaign has already paid dividends for animals, so we’re forging ahead with it at any ‘price,’” said PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich. “During hard economic times, the most vulnerable members of society—including animals—still need protection from exploitation and abuse.”

Loss of Job Inevitable for Pizza Delivery Driver Who Shot Attackers

A Domino's Pizza delivery driver fired a shot at at least two men who were trying to rob him Saturday night, the Titusville police said today.

The Domino's employee, who has not been identified by police, was making a delivery on Parkland Street in Titusville when at least two suspects tried to rob him. The delivery driver — who was armed — fired a shot at the men, who fled on foot. Authorities do not know if the suspects were struck by the gunfire.

The Titusville police department is asking anyone with information on the incident to call Crimeline at 1-800-423-TIPS. Tipsters may be eligible for a reward of up to $1,000.

What usually happens next is that someone mounts an internet campaign to re-instate the driver, for excercising his right to defend himself. Then Tim McIntyre from Domino's will make a statement that it is against company policy for employees to carry a firearm. The protest will then mount into a "Boycott Domino's", and will be publicised on Digg. In the meantime, hopefully people will think twice before attacking a Pizza Delivery Driver

Papa John's CEO Resigns - Company Founder Forced to Step Back In

Papa John's president and chief executive officer Nigel Travis is resigning effective Dec. 30, the company has announced. Founder John Schnatter will serve as interim CEO while the company's board searches for a permanent successor.

Travis took over as Papa John's CEO in 2005. He is leaving the company to pursue another opportunity, according to a news release.

"We appreciate all that Nigel has done for the company over the last four years," said Norborne Cole, Papa John's lead director. "Papa John's has made progress in several key areas during Nigel's tenure, including international expansion and growing our online leadership position in the pizza category."


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PETA hopping mad about Frog Pizza - And Highlights the Irony of People Who Don't Compain About Ham & Chicken Pies

A London pizza chain is serving up pizza with a difference, and one the people at PETA certainly won’t be testing out.

Called the “Hopper”, the pizza is covered with frogs’ legs and has angered animal lovers all over the UK.

Frogs’ legs are often ‘produced’ by amputation while still alive, and are transported all around the world, especially from Indonesia where up to 300 frogs are piled into bags.

To many people, it’s shocking to find frogs’ legs on a pizza, anything a little bit different and we throw our arms up in the air. “Frogs?! How cruel!” As they munch down on a pizza slice covered in ham and chicken.


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It Pays to Be Vigilent as Pizza Blogger Defies Robbery Attempt

I repost this story to highlight what a dangerous job delivering pizzas for a living is, and unless you are 100% vigilent it is all too easy to become just another crime statistic. Kevin is a blogging buddy of ours and this article highlights how lucy he was recently to eascape becoming a robbery victim.

Give Pizza Hut delivery driver Kevin Landis credit. He’s no easy target.

When he got a delivery order for the 800 block of Longson Avenue at 12:30 a.m. Sunday morning, he remembered a story in The Chronicle-Telegram about a robbery and carjacking involving another pizza driver on the same block.

As it turns out, it was the very same address.

Landis called police. When officers arrived, a man waiting on the steps of the home where the delivery was supposed to occur took off running.

Elyria police Lt. Andy Eichenlaub said Landis should be commended.

“He recognized a potentially dangerous situation in his line of work and contacted police,” Eichenlaub said. “He didn’t try to handle it himself.”

Landis, 40 and the father of seven children, ages 2 to 15, said he’s glad he keeps current on the news.

“I would have been robbed, too,” he said.

In the earlier incident, a 51-year-old Amherst man delivering pizzas for Dominos was robbed on Oct. 26 by a man who held a knife to his throat.

His assailant took $30, the food and drove off in the delivery man’s car, a white Volvo 740 GLE station wagon with a Dominos sign on the roof.

On both occasions, the “customer” ordered two pizzas and two subs.

When Landis got the order Sunday, he called the phone number the customer had given. No one at that number ordered pizza.

While waiting for police to respond, Landis and his manager, Nick Rodak, drove to Longson, a quiet street just west of Abbe Road between Cornell and Stanford avenues.

While driving around the block, Landis and Rodak saw two people dressed in dark clothing waiting in a vacant field. By the time police arrived, a man was sitting on the front steps of the dark home — just like in the incident on Oct. 26.

The fact the man ran off shows he probably was up to no good, according to Rodak.

“That guy would have robbed anybody I sent,” Rodak said. “If he (Landis) hadn’t read the paper he would have lost his money, lost his food, lost his car, and he could have gotten hurt.”

Landis, a computer programmer, is just glad he made it home to his wife, Victoria, and their kids.

He has been delivering pizzas as a side job for about 4½ years now to raise money for allowances, school lunches and the like. He even blogs on the topic at http://pizzadeliverystories.blogspot.com.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, one of the top 10 dangerous jobs is being a driver/sales worker. Nearly a quarter of the deaths are due to robberies and assaults, according to the bureau.

The Pizzas and Stuff blog is raising money for Special Olympics GB by bringing you the best pizza related stories from around the Web.

Please help us and make a donation by clicking on the widget on the top left or visiting http://www.justgiving.com/pizzasandstuff

If you really like us you can even download the widget to your own site and help us raise even more dough

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